I am writing on December 11, 2013 with plans to post this sometime later. I know that basically nobody reads this blog, but I hope that my children will one day. The cool thing is that I have a better idea today of who I am talking about than I did until yesterday evening.
#2. She said yes, then followed through
#3. There were faint positive lines on the pregnancy test.
I came home from work as usual, checked on the progress on our house remodel, and began to chat with Judith. She had some interesting news for me, shown in 2 home pregnancy tests wrapped in a wash cloth. The lines were faint and we discussed and analyzed what that meant. All indications pointed to pregnant. This was a kind of joy and excitement I have only experienced on 2 other occasions, but it is still different. We discussed the possibilities, how and when to tell friends and family, cribs, names (we already had 4 possibilities, 2 for a boy, 2 for a girl), some of the ramifications to life, etc. I stood at the side of the bed and let out a loud fart, not uncommon to me, and Judith pointed out that she had the camera rolling right behind me. Nice. The funny thing is that it wasn’t embarrassing to me. We prayed for our child(ten). We had a dinner that night with the deacons and staff and we grabbed another test on the way home to try to be more sure. Still faint, but all signs still point to positive. We talked more about what was going through our heads and made plans to get to an OBGYN ASAP (they cannot see Judith until January 6!). The only other person who knows so far is Dr. Linda Jones. We wanted to know if Judith could take the vaccinations needed for our upcoming Haiti mission trip, which we already booked the flight for) and if the trip would be safe. We want to tell others to share the exciting news, but we also like the idea of waiting until Christmas or Christmas Eve to tell family. We will probably wait until we see the OBGYN to tell anyone else. It’s hard to contain the excitement, though.
The news has possibly made me fall even more in love with Judith than before, and no matter what happens throughout this process, that will not change. I read an article earlier in the day talking about all of the things a wife does for a husband, bearing a child being one of those. This woman who I already loved and adored so much is carrying my child, our child. There are cells multiplying inside of her exponentially that are part her and part me. They carry our family histories and could carry our family into the future. When i went to bed last night I just wanted to curl up right next to Judith with my hands near our child. The king sized bed was unnecessary. As I type right now I just want to go be with them. Throughout our marriage we have always wanted to be around one another constantly. We are not ones that need much time apart. Everything is better when she is with me. And now that has grown, too. I almost feel like I am going to cry tears of joy, and tears are difficult to pull from me. I love this woman, the mother of my child(ren). I love this child(ren). Right now my offspring is microscopic and I cannot wait to meet face to face, but I am a father. I have a very small glimpse of what it means to be a father and to start to experience that kind of love…but I know it is just a small, beginning glimpse. How much more when we meet face to face?
My head has been swimming since I found out. All kinds of things are running through my head. Insurance limits. College savings. Godparents. Finances. Incredible love. Telling people. Confirming test results. The immense blessing. The immense responsibilty. Hope. Fear. We need a quieter vehicle. That vehicle will probably be a constant mess. Cribs (funny that I was talking to Amy Allen about the cribs se selling on FB within the past week). Which name do we start with (we know what we’ll start with for a girl)? How do I feel about my child being born in Alabama? I would love for our kids to have a nice Southern draw. I need to start reading some books about parenting (have done some of that already…thank you DTS, SWBTS, and family ministry). I would really like to finish my dissertation before the birth. Should I let go of the Impala or the truck? Should we keep the Impala so the kids can enjoy it someday? Too son for a minivan? Does it really matter since we rarely keep vehicles more than 6 months? What does it say about me that I find a minivan very practical and kind of want one? What does this do to the C7 Corvette purchasing timeline? How weird is it that so many of my questions are car related? I worry about miscarriage, but also trust in the Lord’s plan, somewhat understand how things work on earth due to the fall, and am praying constantly for my child(ren).
I am experiencing incredible joy. Smiles keep popping up on my face. I am more in love with my wife than ever before. I am even more thankful for her and to God in general for such undeserved blessings. I am at His mercy because I cannot be the father I need to be without Him.
I am hungry. Time for lunch. So this is probably a good tim to stop.